My hubby and I were shopping at (drumroll) Walmart yesterday. We were done shopping (the cart was stacked like the Tower of Babel) and he was putting the food on the conveyor belt when I decided to skip this whole ugly procedure.
"I think I'll go to the car, " I said sweetly. I had a lovely vision of myself sitting, smoking a cigarette, listening to 60s music on the radio while sipping my iced coffee.
"Yeah, right. Leave me here," he growled. He handed me the keys.
"Go on, get out of here."
I laughed, grabbed the keys and ran out the door to freedom. But I wondered what the clerk and other customers thought about our marriage. You see, although I knew he was just being sarcastic and funny, no one else did. I'm sure they thought he was awful. Oh well, I can't go around explaining my crazy husband to everyone I pass on the street.
Christine married someone with the same weird sense of humor. On their honeymoon, they were racing through the airport and she couldn't keep up with him.
He yelled, "We've been married two days and already you're pissing me off!"
She was so embarrassed, but he just thought it was funny.
When he can't find her in a store, he will yell, "WIFE!" until she comes running and tells him to shut up. He thinks it's hilarious.
For years, my sister Chloe thought he was an abusive husband. I had to explain to her he yells at everyone like that, even me. If I go upstairs, he will say something like, "Belle. What are you doing here?" at the top of his voice.
Christine and I give back as good as we get, so no worries about that. My husband's favorite name for me is "sniveler". But I have a few pet names for hubby that wouldn't be nice to share. I also tell him to quit telling me what to do about ten times a day. He doesn't get mad, he just laughs. My mom thinks we have a peculiar relationship and maybe we do, but nothing is held back, we say what we think and give each other that freedom.
It wasn't always so. I used to take everything personally and get all teary. Now, I don't give a crap.
"You don't like that sandwich I made, Buddy? F#$%* you and the horse you rode in on."
A few weeks ago, Christine had an argument with her brother-in-law. Afterwards, he said to her, "That's why I love you, Christine. You fight like a guy. You yell and swear at me and then it's all over."
We've had to learn to fight like guys. It's a survival technique.
